The Healing Impact of Small Group Leaders

 

For anyone that’s been a part of a small group, we can all relate to the anxious feelings of the first few nights. Right from the start of the very first group meeting, we begin assessing the environment of our small group as we gauge whether or not it’s a safe environment to be vulnerable within. And since it may take a few meetings for the group to navigate through the “forming” stage of group formation, it’s possible that group members may keep their hearts under lock and key until after the “storming” stage passes. Yet despite this, the small group leader can play a role in speeding up the group’s ability to be comfortable with one another and to be more open to the stages of inner healing.

Self-Care and Personal Development
For the small group leaders who work full-time jobs, who are raising families, who enjoy various hobbies, and who also decide to serve elsewhere within the church, life can suddenly become very busy. Indeed, the more we fill our calendars, the more likely we may find ourselves sacrificing our personal time with Jesus for the next event or activity on the never-ending list of things to do. It is here where Dr. Terry Wardle in his book Healing Care, Healing Prayer draws our attention, reminding us caregivers to not only ensure that we remain tethered to the word of God, but to also stay connected to other Christians who are committed to the ministry of the Holy Spirit (I would add that in this context, this would be a group of Christians outside of the small group that the individual leads). While these two activities may be shrugged off as collateral damage under the busyness of the daily grind, they are actually critical for the small group leader. After all, if we do not spend time in the Scriptures, the world will distract us from keeping the Lord’s teachings and commandments at the forefront of our minds. And if we do not engage in community with the body of Christ, we may find ourselves experiencing burnout as we neglect the relationships that can pour life back into us and sharpen our hearts (Proverbs 27:17).

The Wounded Healer
In her book Leaders Who Last, Margaret Marcuson says “we cannot lead others further than we are willing to go ourselves. If we want people to go deeper in the spiritual life, if we want them to grow up emotionally, if we want them to be more authentic, we have to show the way. Leadership starts with us.” Author and leadership expert John Maxwell defines this principle as the “Law of the Lid,” where an organization’s reach and influence can't go beyond where the leader wants to go (or more likely, where the leader decides to stop). This concept can be applied to small groups as well, where individuals may find it difficult to be led to a place of inner healing if the leader has not first been there themselves. Just as we see in 2 Corinthians 12:10, Wardle refers to this as the role of the “wounded healer.” He elaborates, “Only in weakness can the strength of Christ flow through a caregiver to the people who turn to him for help. The wounded caregiver must be touched by the Wounded [Christ] to offer healing to the wounded.” Wardle’s words here are encouraging, for it is when a small group leader experiences inner healing first that they can then be a powerful conduit for the comfort of God that then flows to the others who are placed in their care. By offering one’s testimony of their own journey of inner healing, the small group leader can effectively establish themselves as a “wounded healer.” By sharing their heart, the degree of the leader’s own display of vulnerability can help encourage the other group members to be vulnerable and courageous as well within future gatherings.

Discernment in Sharing
But how much of our story do we leaders offer? If we air out too much of our dirty laundry, does that cause us to lose credibility? While this article from April 2019 may be of some assistance, it is still a tough question to answer. Since every situation is different, it is here where the utilization of a mentorship program at the church can help. One popular method of organizing a mentorship program within the church’s small group ministry is referred to as the Jethro model (Exodus 18), where a coach (who isn’t a small group leader) is assigned to serve and be a guide for a collection of small group leaders. If unsure as to if a certain testimony or story is safe to share, running it upline to one’s coach or church staff member can help provide the clarity or guidance that is needed on the matter. If it is an experience that highlights victory in Christ, than it will likely be a positive story to share. Indeed, it is through a celebration of finding new life in Christ where we can establish close connections with one another and support each other through the seasons of life where community and Jesus can impact us the most.

The Healing Support of Fellow Small Group Members

 

During various moments within each of our lives, we are confronted with events or circumstances that give us the opportunity to pursue inner healing. Until we are called by the Lord and meet Jesus in heaven, we are exposed to the inevitable pain and challenges of this world. While the hurt and lies that we may have experienced can create spiritual scars on our souls, we tend to find activities, habits, and behaviors to cover up or ignore these scars throughout our adulthood. Yet due to the pandemic, the lockdowns, and the impact on mental health that isolation has made upon us, we have begun to recognize that the events surrounding this last year have acted as a revealing agent, exposing the underlying spiritual struggles that may have lay dormant until now. For example, an individual struggling with self-value and performance addiction may have been able satisfy that gap at the office or on the ballfield; or perhaps a person afflicted by a lack of love and acceptance within their lives may have been able to find temporary solace within the dating scene. However, due to such a drastic interruption to our normal schedules, hobbies, and outlets, many of us were suddenly confronted with the turmoil of our spiritual wounds that we were no longer able to ignore or cover up.

Perhaps this may be partially why the world is now experiencing a mental health crisis, and perhaps this may also be why the pursuit of inner healing has become a hot topic of ministry as of late. During our previous article, we began our discussion on the concept of inner healing, as introduced by Dr. Terry Wardle in his book Healing Care, Healing Prayer. And while his book is certainly an excellent resource for any minister or caregiver that provides care at the individual level, what if we were to instead explore Dr. Wardle’s work through the lens of a church’s small group ministry?

The Structures Inner Healing
Wardle explains in his book that in order to experience inner healing from the wounds that are buried deep within our lives, we must first identify the lies and distortions that the evil one has used to lead us astray. But in order to identify these lies and distortions, we must first walk through the emotional upheaval that comes from confronting the dysfunctional behaviors that had caused the original disrupting life situation. For example, let us propose a hypothetical situation where a man who is a part of a small group shares that his wife has left him (the disrupting life situation). As the group discusses the serious matter in depth, it is discovered that one of the reasons that she had left him was due to the daily heated arguments that would inevitably lead to him inflicting verbal abuse upon his wife (dysfunctional behavior). From here, the man begins to repent in his heart and learn from his fellow group members about the role that God called him to uphold as husband and how such behavior is sinful (emotional upheaval). As the group explores the matter further, the man explains that since the husband was supposed to be the leader of the household, he always had assumed that there was no need for compromise since he presumably had the right to call the shots within all areas of the household (Lies and distortions). Finally, at the deepest moment in the journey, the man discovers that the lies he has believed for so long may likely be linked to the trauma he experienced as a child, witnessing his father severely abusing his mother.

The Group as a Partner, Not a Doctor
Within the context of a small group, one of the most crucial elements for a person’s ability to open up to others in their journey of inner healing is the group’s ability to offer a loving and trustworthy level of grace and support. This hypothetical scenario would not take place without prayer or without the Holy Spirit's involvement, and it would almost certainly not happen within the length of one small group meeting. In fact, there’s no guarantee that all of the aforementioned stages could be completed within the environment of the small group. Yet what is important to note is that the higher the quality of love and support that the group can offer to the hurting individual, the better the chances are for the group to be able to walk alongside the person throughout the journey of inner healing.

The Need to Be Understanding
Still, we must remain practical. Although it would be ideal to believe that all of these structures of inner healing would go as swimmingly as this pretend scenario, we also must be comfortable with the pace at which the individual actually responds to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Perhaps the man might only offer the surface level of details about his wife leaving him before making the decision to seek professional care. Or perhaps the group is able to help him walk through some of the emotional upheaval involved with repentance before he ends up seeking additional care from their pastor or a counselor. Regardless, what is important to stress here is a reiteration of what was mentioned in the previous article: that small groups are not meant to be a replacement for counseling, and nor could it be promised that small groups can be as effective as or more effective than professional care. Instead, what the group members can strive to do is to be a supportive partner for the individual who is pursuing the journey of inner healing.

Indeed, deep wounds take time to unravel, and an individual that traverses through the experience of inner healing often finds that the complexities of each of these steps are layered upon one another and that they must be peeled back slowly in order to identify the next steps that lay ahead. Some individuals are more introspective in their style when reflecting upon serious matters of the heart, while others need to process their thoughts through the interaction with others. Nevertheless, either style requires the small group to submerge their meetings in submissive prayer while they meet the individual in their current position of the inner healing journey, all the while they continue to support the person with a phileo-like love that upholds and exemplifies friendship, companionship, and openness.